The Power of a Mother's Love: How It Shapes Us and Defines Who We Are
- Janet Taylor
- Mar 26
- 3 min read
Power of a Mother's Love
The expectations are palpable.
I have just shared the news with my family that I am expecting our first child. I feel and accept the excitement and the anxiety. I feel and accept the responsibility of my life changing forever. I accept this little one no matter its sex or abilities.
Life begins to move very quickly. I am reminded a decade or so later that excitement and anxiety create the same physiology in the body.
I have no idea what to expect other than what tips are given in maternity class.
Considering the teacher accidentally stepped on the demonstration doll, I should have been more aware of what was coming moving forward.
I won’t lie, nothing I was taught in that class, shared with friends and family, or read in a book, prepared me for that level of pain. Sorry moms to be… it is something else. Just giving you a little nudge to prep for a pain kick from Godzilla in the crotch….
Fast forward to the birth, the silence, the big brown eyes looking at me and a whole lot of gunk and I knew I was ready to be a mom.
I needed a shower in a bad way, but I was ready to love this little girl like no other mom had ever loved a baby.
Breastfeeding, poop… sleeping for 3 hours at a time… delusional moments of having thought I fed her in the night… bigger poops… less sleep… baby burps, baby barf and baby sounds.
Life was beautiful.
More babies to follow and more lessons learned, more love to give, more beautiful gifts as a mom. More moments experienced, more memories tucked away and thousands of pictures later, I felt life spinning by in a whirlwind of love, anxiety, shame of not being good enough, missing out on firsts, and working my ass off to provide for all these little people.
Little pieces of me mixed in with little pieces of their dad.
Life was going almost exactly how it was supposed to moving along and I was just checking boxes along the way.
I had no realization of my own mental health needs, I had no idea of my daughter’s mental health challenges and I had no idea that the same systems broken during my childhood, were still very broken.
I was about to find out and it would make messy, an understatement.
But I also was a phenomenal mom and woman.
I just didn’t know that I was about to be tested, pulled and challenged to the level that I would be and was.
I didn’t know that I would be a mother to a beautiful soul that wanted to leave the planet early; I didn’t know that I could hurt so much emotionally and physically watching her harm, sabotage and destroy a piece of herself that I couldn’t help heal; I didn’t know I would put my other children aside for hours, maybe days and weeks and never get that time back; I didn’t know I would crack open from the inside out and spiral into a full PTSD meltdown that took me from my employment for almost 3 years…
And so many more situations that left me scared, scarred and bruised from the inside out…
But I NEVER GAVE UP.
I never stopped knowing that this was all going to teach me something and make me a better mom.
I never stopped getting up off the mat no matter how many times life, systems and broken people kept knocking me and kicking me down.
NEVER.
And then, in 2018, I found the truest form of light.
FAITH.
It had been inside me all along.
I got knocked down for the last time.
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